by Dan Trotter
At a recent house
church conference, before a panel discussion was about to begin, I
whispered to a friend that I bet the first question was going to be:
“How do we handle the children?” Sure enough, it was. This,
in my opinion, is the number one question asked by those contemplating
the house church. It is a tremendous stumbling block, but it
shouldn’t be.
This chapter will examine three things: first, the differing
philosophies or mindsets that the institutional and house church have
toward children and the church; second, practical issues that arise; and
third, the advantage to children of the church in the home.
In an article I once wrote, I asked the question: “What do you do for
the children?” I am ashamed to say that the first draft of that
article read: “What do you do with the children?” I had
subconsciously succumbed to the philosophy or mindset of much of the
institutional church: children are a problem, they interfere with the
almighty “service,” where important, paid professionals in robes or
coats and ties give important speeches, and where serious, quiet, and
holy listeners sit deathly still in pews. So, the question
becomes, what do we do with the children while we are doing the
important things in the “service”?
Jesus never, ever said: “Suffer the little
children to be packed away in the nursery.”
Neither Jesus, nor the apostles, ever worried about what to do
with the children. Jesus never, ever said: “Suffer the little
children to be packed away in the nursery.” Can you imagine the
children being led to Children’s Church during the Sermon on the Mount?
The Scripture doesn’t say much, if anything, on handling
children when believers gather. But I can’t imagine that the
believers back then didn’t have children. I imagine nothing was
ever said, because the early Christians didn’t make such a big deal
about the issue. The churches were in the home; families lived in
homes; children met with the church in the home. And despite the
Scriptural silence on kids and church, I can guarantee one thing: there
weren’t any Sunday Schools and Children’s Churches.
If Sunday Schools are essential adjuncts to church life, why is
the Bible silent on this subject? His building plan, the Bible, is
complete in every detail. Where is the Christian who would deny
that the Bible is a perfect blueprint? Interestingly, there is not
even a hint of Sunday Schools in God’s blueprint.
Sunday Schools were
not even originated to teach Bible stories or Christian morality, but
were started in nineteenth century England to give poor children of mill
and mine laborers a chance to read and write. Who had
primary responsibility for training children before the appearance of
Sunday Schools? The family. I think it is the contention of
most house churches that the family still has the primary responsibility
for the instruction and nurturing of Christian children. That may
be the reason most home churches (just like the biblical NT church)
don’t have Sunday Schools. And this really is a barrier to
Christians who contemplate leaving the institutional church for the home
church. It is amazing how many Christians worry about the
spiritual welfare of their kids to the point that the parents will
poison themselves to death on the corrupt religiosity of some
institutional churches, just so long as there’s a good youth
program. I am convinced that many institutional churches realize
this, and capitalize on it by providing jam-up “youth ministries,” in
order to keep their “tithe-payers” from leaving (of course, I
realize that often there are other, sincere motives involved, too).
Although it is the family’s primary duty to raise children up in the
Lord, it does not follow that the home church should be uninterested in
their welfare. Quite the contrary. If kids see their
parents’ church as a drag, they’ll tend to think Jesus is a drag,
too. Thus we must discuss practical ways for the home church to
make children know that the church belongs to them as well as to their
parents.
In discussing practical ways to integrate children into the life of
the home church, we must understand at the onset that if parents bring
the traditional mindset of the institutional church into the house
church, nothing will work for the kids. The institutional church
has the mentality of juvenile segregation: push them out into the Sunday
School wing, so everything can be Holy and Quiet. This, of course,
is unbiblical. How quiet do you think the kids were during the
Sermon on the Mount? The institutional church is liturgically
rigid in its “order of service,” and kids, being as unprogrammed and
unpredictable as they are, can never fit within that rigidity. So
the first practical thing to do in the church in the home is to relax –
there’s going to be more noise and interruption in the house
church. People with children need to quit feeling guilty about it,
and people without children need to exercise more tolerance than they
would in the institutional church.
The second practical thing to do is to develop close relationships
between each adult, and between all adults and all children. This
development is possible in the home church, in a way that it is not
possible in the organized church. With close relationships, when little
Johnny is about to flush the cherry bomb down the toilet, an adult who
is not Johnny’s parent can firmly request that the little hellion
extinguish the wick, without fear of alienating little Johnny or little
Johnny’s mom. Close relationships are extremely important.
The third practical thing that should be done is to find
creative, workable ways to involve the kids in the meeting with the
adults. Where did the idea come from that the meeting (or the
church) belongs exclusively to the adults? I know of one house
church in which the children are generally musically gifted. The
young folks play guitars, violins, and flutes, and feel free to lead out
in song or music. Other home churches encourage kids to share
testimonies, or to recite memorized scripture, or to ask for prayer
requests. During one meeting, my particular home church allowed
the teen-age young people to lead the meeting with Scripture and
music. The meeting was entirely different – it gave us variety,
and helped the young people join in. During another meeting in my
home church, one of the sisters conducted a “Sunday School lesson” for
the young children with the adults present. The adults were forced
to adapt to a young child’s viewpoint (something that all adults should
do periodically), and the kids were able to have fun with their
parents as they learned the spiritual lesson being taught.
The fourth practical thing I would suggest is not to be hidebound by
“house church theology.” Sure, we don’t believe in Sunday Schools,
but the world’s not going to end if someone has something special for
the kids, or if he takes them aside in another room once in a
while. And we don’t believe in pacifying the kids with
entertainment to keep them out of our hair, but there’s nothing wrong
with showing them a video once in a while (even, heaven forbid, if the
video is a Bugs Bunny cartoon, and not spiritual).
A fifth practical suggestion that one house churcher has suggested is
for each meeting home to have announced house rules, so that children
and parents might not inadvertently harm anything (for instance,
“no eating in the living room.”).
A sixth practical suggestion is to tolerate fussing infants as much
as you can, but if they get too loud, make sure the parents understand
that the baby should be taken out of the meeting until he cools
off. If a parent doesn’t do this, the parent should be
communicated with. Remember, relationships are important.
We need to constantly put ourselves in the shoes of our
brothers and sisters – and our kids are, in the body of Christ, our
brothers and sisters. Let’s prefer them in love.
My seventh, and last, practical suggestion, is never to let
the meeting become boring – neither for the children, nor for the
adults. If the meeting is dead or too long for the adults, imagine
what its like for the kids! Their attention span is probably about
half of ours. We need to constantly put ourselves in the shoes of
our brothers and sisters – and our kids are, in the body of Christ, our
brothers and sisters. Let’s prefer them in love.
We finish these thoughts on children and the house church by
presenting the manifest advantages of the home church for young
folks. We should not look upon children as an obstacle to getting
folks into the house church. We should look at the advantages of
the house church for kids, and point out these advantages to potential
house church converts.]
One big advantage of the home church for young people is that the
youth get to see their parents in loving, supportive relationships with
one another. They get to see their parents open their hearts to
God in a real, personal, non-religious, un-phony fashion.
Another tremendous advantage is that the kids are not given
second-class status in the church: they are not segregated, put out of
sight, out of mind in nurseries, Sunday Schools, and youth ministries.
One of the biggest
advantages, in my view, is the close relationships that develop between
adults and children of other adults. In my home church, I
constantly pray for the children involved. There are only six
couples in the church, and only fourteen children. It’s very easy
to find out what’s going on in the kid’s lives, and easy to pray for
them daily, individually, by name. I submit to you that this
doesn’t happen very often in the mega-church.
